When Things Get Worse

*Trigger warning for mild talk of self-inury.

Today has been…interesting.

I had class this morning, where I found out I got a 97 on my Kinesiology practical (yay!). I also got another grade yesterday (95), so now I’m just waiting on the third. Hopefully I’ll get that grade tomorrow and hopefully it will be within the same ballpark as the others.

Class went well. Fun stuff to learn and practice. Then I had to tutor for an hour, so my friend came and hung out with me so we could study together for Thursday’s exam.


I don’t remember getting there. I don’t remember leaving. I do, however, remember “coming to” at what was clearly a distressing moment near the end of session. I can ¬†recall about 3-4 minutes of time, but the rest is a blurry mess.

I didn’t get home from therapy until much later than I normally would and when I realized I was home (and in my body again), I also realized there were new cuts on my left thigh.


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So done with today. Called the therapist around 11pm last night to leave a voicemail. She called back early this morning. Andi didn’t pick up, but she called her back and left a voicemail mentioning a good time to call again. She did call back. 

Andi talked to her for about 15 minutes later this morning, then she called back this afternoon and I talked to her for about 35 minutes. They were mostly good conversations, I think. Crying. Yelling. Frustration. Confusion. (The usual). But she’s tough and not a whiny baby like Zooey, so that’s a refreshing change. 

She also said I could call her back if I needed to check in again. I thought that was cool of her, but I will leave her alone. I can make it until Tuesday. Right?

Too effing tired to write about it more now. Maybe tomorrow. All of this switching and internal fuckery is exhausting. 



IMG_9377Life has been…challenging lately. Especially in the last few months years my lifetime.

But really though.

In October, my wife unexpectedly lost her job. It was all politics and HR bullshit, but still – we suddenly found ourselves without our primary source of income. Since I’m a full-time student, I only work part-time (and then there’s the added expenses of being in school). Wife has a part-time job as well, which thankfully allowed her to pick up more hours. She also does some freelance consulting. So we haven’t been without income, but as a couple it’s safe to say we’ve been seriously underemployed for almost five months.

Fast forward to the beginning of January. She was offered a new position, after an unreasonably long interview process. She was set to sign the contract on a Monday. The Friday before, she is contacted by a former supervisor. Said supervisor works for a new organization (a place Wife has been wanting to work for a long time) and wants to recruit Wife. This is a dream! The catch? The job is not a guarantee, but Wife will have to turn down the contract she was getting ready to sign to make herself available for this other company.

So we take a leap of faith and it pays off. She interviews for the new job and one week later, they offer it to her at 10k more per year than the previous salary offer! Hurray!!! Her start date is set for March 9th. We are so stoked!

And then it happens. Of course.

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