I want to kill myself. I will go to work until 8pm and put these feelings away into a neat container while I imagine the ways I could stop this agony once I am done. Has their ever been a worse human being than me? No. I never again want to be looked at the way you looked at me today. Too much truth in that. I should not be alive. I wasn’t meant to be alive. Someone should know.
But you won’t read this anyway…
no one will ever know and maybe I’ll survive this, or maybe it will be the suicide note that pushed the boundaries too far while I was pushed too far. Look at me, pushing pushing pushing.
Oh! It won’t matter anyway. Hahahahahaha.
Standing on the edge the edge the edge
Please just let me jump
Either way, nothing will ever be the same again.
*this is what I just emailed to my therapist after a rough session. I’m not supposed to email her about anything but logistics…