Not Too Much

My family was here. They're gone now, but my "sister" (cousin) and her husband and children were here for five glorious and exhausting days.

I skipped a session this week since I had company and we had plans all day today. I thought my therapist knew that, but when I went to leave session yesterday, she said "See you tomorrow".

I quickly explained that I would be out today and she seemed surprised and confused. I worried she was angry, but she said she wasn't.

I think I believe her.

Anyway, now they're gone and I really feel the loss. Of them, of the rest of my family that remains estranged, of the missing session,

(Of my mother).

I called my therapist and asked for a phone check-in.

She called me back, but I froze. I don't really understand why, but I just couldn't pick up the phone.

I sorta wonder if it wasn't enough just to know she'd gotten my call and was thinking of me.

She left a voicemail so I also got to hear her voice.

I needed connection, but not too much.
I needed closeness, but not too much.
I needed her, but not too much.

8 thoughts on “Not Too Much

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    It’s okay to need that connection, it’s normal that you would feel that way. I’m glad she called you and left a voicemail, I hope it helped some to leave you ate the loss and feelings of sadness that you’re having. XXX

    Liked by 1 person

  2. alicewithptsd says:

    Needing connection but not too much….I get that. I often feel like I want connection, I want to be heard and seen, but then the very thought of that makes me want to hide.

    I’m glad your visit with your family was good. I’m sorry it highlighted the lack of connection you have with other family members. That is really painful. I hope you are feeling better today. Xx💟

    Liked by 1 person

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