Title Change

I started this blog two and a half years ago, at a time when the title “Therapy Sucks” made a lot of sense. I wrote regularly for a long time, then tapered off, then felt the need to find some privacy and boundaries within myself, so I pulled away even more.

But I find myself missing the community and the lack of blog posts simply for posterity. I love being able to go back and read what I was thinking and feeling so many months ago. It gives me a change to understand the progress I’ve made, or the places where the patterns just keep spiraling.

I recently had a patient complain about how she’s so busy. She said she doesn’t even know why she’s so busy or what she’s even doing to BE so busy. She asked what I thought about people who are busy “just to be busy”.

I thought about it for a moment and then said, “Well, I think it’s helpful, or at least it’s been helpful for me, to be curious about what the ‘busy’ replaces. Is there some thought or feeling or experience I am unwilling or scared to face that I’m covering up with just doing stuff? For me, it’s usually an indication that I’m avoiding something…”

She smiled and said, “Wow, that’s good! Wherever did you learn something like that so young?”

I’m not sure why I answered like this, but I very bluntly said, “Oh, I learned that in therapy!”

She clapped her hands together and said, “That’s fantastic! We should have a group or something that’s just people talking about what they learned in therapy.”

I laughed and said, “You know, I would¬†totally love something like that!”

Which is when I decided to start blogging more regularly again and to rename this blog, which will from henceforth be titled:

“Things I Learned In Therapy”

It’s an optimistic change and, quite frankly, it’s about damn time.

Shit Dreams

Last week my therapist told me she would be taking an unprecedented two week vacation next month. I was understandably upset about this and had a hard time articulating that in session. I just sorta fell silent as the battle inside my head began to unfold.

That night I had a dream in which I showed up to therapy very dirty. I’m not sure if I was sweaty or muddy or what, I just knew I needed to clean myself up. My therapist told me I could use a nearby bathroom. She showed me where it was and I went in, only to immediately spin around and walk back out. I said, “Hey! I can’t use that bathroom! It’s literally covered in shit! Not just IN the toilet, but ON the toilet and in little baggies all over the damn room!!” My therapist just shrugged.

I told her about this dream during the next session and when I finished speaking, she smiled and giggled a bit as she said, “This dream is about my vacation.”

“Oh? Care to elaborate?”

“Yeah…you’re worried that I’m going to leave and things will get backed up. And then when I get back, I won’t recognize that there’s shit everywhere and I’ll just expect you to carry on as if it’s not there.”

I burst out laughing and said, “Yep, that sounds about right!”