Scheduling Changes (Again)

My schedule is shifting. Again.

My third (and final!) clinical affiliation starts on the 21st and will last for 8 weeks total, Monday to Friday, 9-5pm at a local hospital.

The whole hospital setting is activating and I have plenty of fears and anxiety about that, but I can’t even go there yet. I just need to feel relatively calm for a week or so before I actively tackle those emotions.

But this also means I will have to shift sessions around again. I told my therapist my schedule as soon as I heard from my clinical director. She was okay with it and said she would start moving things around in her schedule to make room for me.

On Monday, she mentioned it and said we should try to talk about it soon. So for Wednesday’s session, I went in with the intent to talk about two things:

  1. Scheduling
  2. Money

The scheduling conversation was uncomfortable, but I pushed through it. She proposed two options since she doesn’t think she’ll be able to give me three separate sessions per week during the coveted “post-workday” hours.

She still wants me to have three hours of therapy each week, however, so she suggested we either have a regular 60 minute session on Mondays and a double session on Wednesdays -or- we could do 90 minute sessions on each day.

I really don’t know which I prefer.

Neither, to be completely honest. I really like our Monday/Wednesday/Friday sessions now because there’s such an nice rhythm to it and I never have to go very long without seeing her. Since Fridays won’t be available anymore, that means I will have to go FIVE days without contact.

Not cool.

I told her I would give the double session  a try next week and that we could keep talking about this each session until we figured it out. I’m not sure if the Wednesday double session would work since I’ll have class for five of those eight weeks. Which means I’d have to go to clinic, school, and then therapy.

Therapy is on the way home from clinic and school is closer to home so that will just make for a super exhausting day of trekking all over the City. Then I’ll have to get up Thursday morning and face the first of five days without contact with my therapist. So I suppose I’m wondering if it’s wise to plan a two-hour session on my busiest day of the week and then have nothing again until Monday.

There has to be a better solution.

Somewhere in my brain I am pondering the possibility of a planned phone call or even a planned email exchange. I know she won’t go for email and it doesn’t sound like she has weekday availability that matches mine outside of what we’re already planning.

Which means I’d have to ask for phone contact on weekends.

Yikes.

I don’t know if I can ask for that. But I also know it will be profoundly challenging for me to go so long without connecting to her.

Maybe I can just tell her that and see if she offers a solution. Then again, maybe I could ask for what I need, even if that puts me at risk of feeling rejection and abandonment.

Ugh. This sucks.

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22 thoughts on “Scheduling Changes (Again)

  1. Rachel says:

    What a pain, I hope you do find a solution that feels right. Five days does feel like too long. I agree. My schedule used to be M and W, with nothing “scheduled” between W and M. Well, as I know you’ve been reading, that didn’t work. I was calling and emailing almost every day. And just in these past two weeks of a scheduled Friday call, I don’t feel the need to do that. I guess my point is to affirm/validate/encourage your intuition that M and W will not work, and advocating for an extra scheduled contact (whatever that might be, I think email would be risky) is a fantastic idea. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      Yeah it’s way too long. I’m probably just going to mention that to her today and see what happens from there. Hopefully I will be able to explicitly ask for what I need. Or at least get the conversation moving in that direction. And, yeah, email would be risky, and honestly not a window I think should be opened anyway. But it IS a form of communication so it was on my mind. As is texting, but I refuse to text any of my healthcare providers at this point. We shall see what happens. But, yeah, W to M is just way too damn long!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. e.Nice says:

    That does suck! I was thinking though that a longer session might make sense if you are working on easing the devastation of the transition like you talked about in your last post. Would a Mon, Thurs work? That still isn’t great but it evens the time out between sessions a bit more. I think you guys will be able to work something out, even if its not ideal for a couple of months.

    Liked by 1 person

      • e.Nice says:

        bummer… of course you guys had probably already thought of that. I do think you’ll work something out, in the meantime all i have to offer is hope you can have some cake (or whatever it is that is your “cake.”) Ohhh maybe if you offered her cake she would be able to change things around for you? 🙂 I’m mostly being silly with that last comment, but did cross my mind (cake is pretty serious business).

        Liked by 1 person

      • e.Nice says:

        ugghh those ED’s are the worst! Its probably not similar but when I do my emotional not eating thing its like I’m depriving myself the one bit of joy left in the world (cake). The funny thing is I don’t typically eat cake that much (I avoid sugar cause it makes me more suicidal) but when I am not eating its what I want most. Sorry, don’t mean to make this about me! Just get so distracted by cake and apparently think it is the answer to most of life’s questions. I’m glad you get the seriousness of cake! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. alicewithptsd says:

    Ugh. Going to therapy only Monday and Wednesday is a big switch in my view. Monday-Thursday would be a better change, because it’s less time in between. Maybe something will open up in her schedule. Twice a week, 90 minute sessions with email contact in between works for me. I don’t think I could do therapy without the in between contact. I think asking for a phone call on Friday or Saturday would be a good idea. I hate scheduling changes. I only have to make them around my daughter and husbands schedules, but I’m always afraid that if I initiate a change, Bea will decide she doesn’t want to see me anymore. It’s sort of silly, but it’s my fear. I’m sorry this is all over the place– I’m really spacy today. But I wanted you to know I get how stressful this change is. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      I definitely have similar fears, which is part of why I tend to become emotionally paralyzed when my therapist and I try to navigate schedule changes. I have similar fears that she’ll get frustrated and just give up on me altogether. We’re still trying to figure out what will work best, so hoping we can come up with something better than M/W only.

      Like

      • alicewithptsd says:

        Does she know that you have these fears? I haven’t voiced them to Bea because I’m too scared she’ll agree with me (even though I know rationally she won’t). So I feel like a huge hypocrite for even suggesting that you tell her your fears. But if she knew this, and could approach scheduling changes with this in mind, then maybe that would help. I don’t know. I do hope you come up with something better than Monday Wednesday. Xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Andi says:

        No but I would bring it up with her so she’s aware of these fears. I think it helps our communication when I am able to be more honest (even when I know I am wrong in my perceptions). I’d encourage you to do the same 😊💕

        Liked by 1 person

      • alicewithptsd says:

        We can try to be more honest together. 🙂 I actually have been much better about voicing the little girl’s worries to Bea, no matter how silly the grown up me thinks those worries are. And I do feel much better about my relationship with Bea as a result. So I know it helps to be more honest. It’s just so hard!! 💟

        Liked by 1 person

  4. ambivalencegirl says:

    It’s funny, but not, that I’ve been freaking out about my schedule which feel unmanageable and overwhelming. Therapy feels frustrating and it’s wedged into a long work day and I leave and go back. And I hate change in my schedule. I like it all neat. I go to yoga at the same time on certain days and I work is predictable and my kid’s schedule changes and therapy time changes and supervision changes. I need to know my therapy appts a month in advance or I begin to worry that she won’t have space for me one week and I don’t want to feel irritated. And ughhh, really I’m more flexible than that but I’m not.

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