Mother, Money, Medication

As I mentioned in my last post, I really wanted to talk to my therapist about both scheduling and money in our last session. We got through the scheduling conversation fairly quickly, which left nearly 45 minutes to tackle the money part.

Oh boy.

My therapist and I have tried to have conversations about money, primarily within the context of how the financial cost of therapy impacts me. It’s a lot of money. A LOT. It is the biggest expense for my wife and I (and that includes rent in NYC). It wasn’t so bad when I started with this therapist because it was just one session per week. But then one became two and a few months later, we settled into three sessions each week.

It’s pretty clear that this frequency works well for me. I don’t mind seeing her so often, but I won’t pretend the cost isn’t a burden for me. My wife insists that my health, including my mental health, is worth the expense. I believe her. But there is still so much intense guilt that comes up for me, especially since I’m still in school and thus not generating income for myself.

I do get a small stipend and all of my education is paid for in grants and scholarships, so at this point all of my therapy expenses have come from my own bank account. I am happy about that, but it also means that I’m literally contributing NOTHING to our other bills – rent, utilities, groceries, cell phones, transportation, etc. And that is very hard for me to swallow.

Scheduling Changes (Again)

My schedule is shifting. Again.

My third (and final!) clinical affiliation starts on the 21st and will last for 8 weeks total, Monday to Friday, 9-5pm at a local hospital.

The whole hospital setting is activating and I have plenty of fears and anxiety about that, but I can’t even go there yet. I just need to feel relatively calm for a week or so before I actively tackle those emotions.

But this also means I will have to shift sessions around again. I told my therapist my schedule as soon as I heard from my clinical director. She was okay with it and said she would start moving things around in her schedule to make room for me.

On Monday, she mentioned it and said we should try to talk about it soon. So for Wednesday’s session, I went in with the intent to talk about two things: