Today is day four of this therapy vacation. That’s really not much time, but considering I’ve already missed two normal sessions, it’s kind of a lot.
I’m so not into this.
It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, though. I don’t feel as crazy or out of control as I did whenever I was separated from Zooey. As much as I feel afraid of getting through the remaining five days of vacation or what might happen when this therapist returns, I feel okay overall. I don’t love it and my thoughts are mostly along the lines of “Let’s not do this again for a while” but I’m okay.
Today, I’m okay.
I’m still having a crazy hard time sleeping. I don’t even know how long this has been going on – a few weeks? Months? Hard to tell. But being off from both work and school this month is throwing off my schedule and my body is a mess. I started on 25mg of Lamictal two weeks ago and now I’m up to 50mg, so I don’t know if that is helping or hurting. I think (?) my mood is better, but my anxiety skyrockets at bedtime.
That’s not unusual, but it feels unmanageable right now. I can’t tell if it’s the medicine, the change in schedule, or just my usual anxiety. Sometimes when I have less to do in the day, I literally just burn less energy and thus I’m more riled up at night. The Lamictal came with a warning label that it could cause drowsiness, so I opted to take it at night. But the shrink never told me when to take it, so maybe I was supposed to take it in the morning?
I was supposed to text or call him yesterday to give an update on how the medicine change was going. I most certainly did not do that. I wonder if he’ll get a hold of me or just assume all is well.
I also had to miss yoga last week due to the “moderate” reaction I had to the TDaP vaccine booster. I could barely lift my damn arm and I felt both drugged and like I had the flu (minus the head cold stuff). It was awful. Plus when I don’t get to practice yoga, everything else gets all wonky. I felt better yesterday morning, so I was super stoked to go to class last night. I got all ready and walked to the gym only to see a big ol’ sign saying “Power Yoga Cancelled. Sorry For Any Inconvenience”.
Inconvenience? You know what? Fuck you, gym. Fuck. You.
There were no scheduled classes today either, so I just ran for 30 minutes. Not the same. There’s a good vinyasa flow class tomorrow, but I have a consult with an orthopedist in the late morning because my right hip and leg refuse to heal, ever. For all I know, this doctor lady could ban me from exercise for another few weeks or say no more yoga. Omg, I would actually die.
Please don’t do that, doctor lady.
Regardless, I hope she can figure out what the hell is going on with the right side of my body because this chronic low-grade pain is shit. And (as my general practitioner pointed out) it’s going to be really bad advertising for me to be intermittently hobbling around a physical therapy clinic during my first internship next month.
Speaking of: thirteen days until the Fall semester starts. I’m trying not to freak out about that. I ordered my neurological rehab book and it’s still just sitting in its cardboard package, taunting me. I should probably open it and start reading, but I’m not going to. Why? Because this is the only break I get. Once I open that book, it’s endless school until I graduate in June.
I’ll open it next week. Maybe. For now, it’s Netflix, Hulu, and library books for me.