I mentioned yesterday that the therapist asked if there was anything else she could do to help bridge the time between sessions while she’s on vacation (i.e. besides being available by phone). At the time I just said no because I couldn’t think of anything, and she said that was was open to talking about it more.
It wasn’t until I’d written and published my last post that I remembered that other bloggers have asked their therapists to write them short handwritten notes. This is something Zooey did on two separate occasions, unprompted. She wrote a letter to Julia (the same day we somehow ended up inpatient) and she wrote a card out to all of us that she gave me the last session before I went to the trauma program.
So I suppose I might associate therapist notes with abandonment and bad choices? Who knows.
Either way, I’ve been wondering if this isn’t something I should ask for in session today. I think if I did, she would probably ask me what, specifically, I wanted her to write. I’m not sure I know what would be helpful. I can’t really think of anything. Or perhaps it feels too vulnerable to be that open?
But I do think having something to physically hold and look at would probably be a useful thing to have. I feel pretty solid overall right now and the past week has been rather calm and settled, but I have no idea how next week will be. I don’t want to find myself in the middle of her vacation wishing I’d had the courage to ask for something I needed.
But what do I need?
I guess I need her reassurance. I’m not sure she’d give me that, though. She won’t promise me anything, nor should she. I don’t think I need her promises. But then what else would be reassuring? Maybe just knowing that our relationship doesn’t disappear when we’re not having sessions?
It feels very primal, this need. Which is maybe why it’s so hard to verbalize.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Anything that worked well for you?