The Stolen Bathroom Key

The therapist I see shares an office suite with five other psychotherapists. There is one bathroom with a single stall. Which is plenty since there’s generally only one client per therapist per hour. I’ve maybe had to wait three minutes top to use the restroom. But you need a key to get into the restroom and for some reason, it always goes missing.

HOW or WHY it ends up missing is a true conundrum. Not only because they attach it to a HUGE keychain that makes it very difficult to smuggle out of the building undetected, but also because what would you even do with that key? It does not open anything except that exact bathroom, so what would be the use of stealing it? (Then again, this bathroom is for individuals in need of therapy, so maybe I shouldn’t spent too much time wondering what someone may or may not do with such an item…).

Anyway. This stresses me out because I always commute to her office after class or work. So not only do I usually have to pee when I get there, but I also just stepped off a filthy subway train thus I desperately need to wash my hands. My normal routine is to buzz into the building, go up to her floor, set my stuff down, and use the restroom. It gives me a chance to clean up and center myself before session, which provides a bit of a transition for me. I need that time.

So this missing stolen key fiasco is driving me nuts. I hate that I can’t predict if it will be there, so I don’t know if I will be able to maintain my usual routine. It’s worst when I DO have to pee because then I either have to ask the therapist for HER key and go as soon as session begins (which cuts into our time a bit) or I have to hold it and ask for the key at the end of session and then hang it on the outside of her office door when I’m done. Either option is awkward as fuck.

It was missing again last week and has yet to return. Last session I did have to pee, so at the end of session I told her I’d like to use the restroom. She said that she would unlock the bathroom for me since she had to leave right after our session ended and would therefore need her keys. OMG. KILL ME. She walked me out to the bathroom but someone was in there. So she said she would see me on Friday and went back to her office while I waited in line.

But then, after I finished, I opened the door and there she was – standing at the elevators, waiting to leave. OMG. KILL ME x2. I panicked for a second and then tried to combat the awkward with humor:

“So…are we even allowed to ride the elevator together?”

“I mean, yeah, I think that’s okay.”

“Alright. I wasn’t sure. I don’t know if there are rules around this kind of thing.”

“Nah. It’s cool.”

We both laughed. She got that I was joking. Phew.

When the elevator doors opened, she let me in first. TINY ELEVATOR. I was literally just focusing on breathing so I did not pass out on the ride down to the lobby. Once we arrived, she stepped out and motioned for me to go ahead of her. I said thank you and bolted out of there (but like, casually, so as to not be TOO weird). Holy. Awkward.

I sincerely hope whoever stole the key brings it back. Or just stops stealing it.