The Stolen Bathroom Key

The therapist I see shares an office suite with five other psychotherapists. There is one bathroom with a single stall. Which is plenty since there’s generally only one client per therapist per hour. I’ve maybe had to wait three minutes top to use the restroom. But you need a key to get into the restroom and for some reason, it always goes missing.

HOW or WHY it ends up missing is a true conundrum. Not only because they attach it to a HUGE keychain that makes it very difficult to smuggle out of the building undetected, but also because what would you even do with that key? It does not open anything except that exact bathroom, so what would be the use of stealing it? (Then again, this bathroom is for individuals in need of therapy, so maybe I shouldn’t spent too much time wondering what someone may or may not do with such an item…).

Anyway. This stresses me out because I always commute to her office after class or work. So not only do I usually have to pee when I get there, but I also just stepped off a filthy subway train thus I desperately need to wash my hands. My normal routine is to buzz into the building, go up to her floor, set my stuff down, and use the restroom. It gives me a chance to clean up and center myself before session, which provides a bit of a transition for me. I need that time.

So this missing stolen key fiasco is driving me nuts. I hate that I can’t predict if it will be there, so I don’t know if I will be able to maintain my usual routine. It’s worst when I DO have to pee because then I either have to ask the therapist for HER key and go as soon as session begins (which cuts into our time a bit) or I have to hold it and ask for the key at the end of session and then hang it on the outside of her office door when I’m done. Either option is awkward as fuck.

It was missing again last week and has yet to return. Last session I did have to pee, so at the end of session I told her I’d like to use the restroom. She said that she would unlock the bathroom for me since she had to leave right after our session ended and would therefore need her keys. OMG. KILL ME. She walked me out to the bathroom but someone was in there. So she said she would see me on Friday and went back to her office while I waited in line.

But then, after I finished, I opened the door and there she was – standing at the elevators, waiting to leave. OMG. KILL ME x2. I panicked for a second and then tried to combat the awkward with humor:

“So…are we even allowed to ride the elevator together?”

“I mean, yeah, I think that’s okay.”

“Alright. I wasn’t sure. I don’t know if there are rules around this kind of thing.”

“Nah. It’s cool.”

We both laughed. She got that I was joking. Phew.

When the elevator doors opened, she let me in first. TINY ELEVATOR. I was literally just focusing on breathing so I did not pass out on the ride down to the lobby. Once we arrived, she stepped out and motioned for me to go ahead of her. I said thank you and bolted out of there (but like, casually, so as to not be TOO weird). Holy. Awkward.

I sincerely hope whoever stole the key brings it back. Or just stops stealing it.

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42 thoughts on “The Stolen Bathroom Key

  1. Rachel says:

    Am I allowed to find this post hilarious? I would also feel SO awkward about the bathroom situatioj (had a similar thing happen last therapy appt. Needed to use bathroom after session.. and it shared a wall with her office, gah!).
    I understand the awkwardness of it, but this made me laugh.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Sirena says:

    ah hahahaha this was a funny read. Therapy, toilet duty and awkward proximity issue, I totally understand! How come there’s never enough time in each session to talk about everything you want to, yet the minute you see them outside the office, you have NO IDEA what to say? What even is that?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Cat's Meow says:

    Lol! You’d better not move to a small town. I live in a town of about 35,000 and run into my therapist several times a year. We shop at the same grocery store, go to some of the same restaurants, go to some of the same public events. Her office is a half mile from my house and I drive past it to get to my daughter’s school. I have literally almost walked into her, more than once. Our arrangement is that she will always take my cue on how i. want to interact.

    At this point, I even know where she lives!

    My embarrassing bathroom story was that once I needed to use it before session. I was already pretty out of it, for whatever reason. For whatever reason, I tried the door on the women’s room a couple of times. I really wasn’t sure that there was anyone in there, they were so quiet and taking awhile. I was confused about why the doorknob was turning, but it wasn’t catching, to open the latch. (The building was built in the 1860s). The second time I tried, someone snapped at me, ‘I’ll be right out!’ I jumped and went to sit outside my therapist’s office. Out walked the person who had been in there- my therapist, of course.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Cat's Meow says:

      Grr, meant to hit return.

      I apologized again, explaining what happened, and she was surprised that it had been me. “But the handle hasn’t worked since before I started to rent space here. It just spins. You have to just push the door open, unless it is latched from the inside.

      It seems that whichever part was predominant right then hadn’t used the bathroom there yet. I had probably seen her in that building for a total of 5 years at that point.

      Liked by 2 people

    • amandarocksyoursocks says:

      I’m so jealous of your living in a small town and running into your therapist!!! Sorry for barging in on your comment, but its my biggest wish in the whole entire universe to bump into my therapist somewhere outside of session…!!! Guess I better move to a small town, lol.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Cat's Meow says:

        Lol! No problem! In general, I like it, but I have a really close relationship with her and there have been times when I have been happy to pick up a hug out of the blue from her. All conversation is on the light side, of course. I think that it has helped me to bridge some of the then and now gap, because she shows up in my everyday, from time to time. I know that she’s around all of the time, not just when I see her in her office. That helps the frightened parts of me feel safer.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Andi says:

      I USED to live in a small town, so I would see my former therapist every time I went to the gym. Yikes! I don’t miss that at ALL. I’m glad you two have an arrangement for how to handle public sightings, lol. Ugh. And that story about the bathroom – I would have died! lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cat's Meow says:

        Yep, the bathroom thing was pretty mortifying. I probably turned purple with embarrassment.

        My diagnosis is OSDD not DID, and I have so much co-consciousness that I tend to forget that there isn’t a complete sharing of everyday knowledge between the different parts of me. I had used that bathroom at least 50 times prior to that incident, why that part couldn’t know about the doorknob, I’ll never know.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. J says:

    LOL. There is something really awkward and hilarious about it all. My therapist’s suite is around the corner from a starbucks and I’ve actually chosen to use the starbucks bathroom many times rather then use the suite’s…..we are all crazy, what can I say.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Andi says:

      Omg I do this ALL THE TIME! There’s a Starbucks on basically every corner in Manhattan anyway, but there’s one in particular that I always use as my “go to” when I’m not sure if the restroom will be available in her suite.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. luverley says:

    Had to Giggle we have problems with bathrooms to. My t is at her house and she leaves the front door in the conservatory open for people to use. Very trusting if she’s in session and someone turns up. I bumped into a sw today that was awkward. Have a good day friends

    Liked by 2 people

  6. amandarocksyoursocks says:

    I love this post! =D I have a pretty awkward bathroom story, too. In one of my previous school therapy settings, the counseling center was on the 5th floor, and right outside the counseling center. I would go to the bathroom on the 5th floor until one day, I remember leaving the bathroom thinking about random stuff, didn’t notice my therapist walking in to the bathroom and almost walked right into her!! Woops. After that incident, I elected to use the bathrooms on any other floor BUT the 5th floor.
    I’ve also had an elevator story with my therapist…not nearly as interesting, though… just me weirdly dancing around while listening to music and I’m assuming also marking myself as one of the weirdest people on the planet. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. amandarocksyoursocks says:

    HOW is it possible that everyone else on this planet gets to experience my ultimate dream of getting to be in an elevator with their therapist?!? I’d probably have a field day if an elevator got stuck and my therapist and I were in there together! xD

    Liked by 2 people

  8. pattyspathtohealing says:

    My therapist has an office which shares the waiting room and bathrooms with other offices. The ladies room has 2 stalls. One day, early into my time seeing her, I headed to the ladies room after my session and as I started to push open the door, I heard my therapist’s voice gently ask, “Patty, is it okay if I take a break with you? “. I was beside myself. It’s not normal to say no to something like that, right? I mean there are always strangers in there (which, also freaks me out). And I knew she had a client waiting. So I said yes. So I heard her pee. But I could not pee for the life of until she left. Which was awful. Because I had to go so bad. When I finally got in my car, I cried and cried. I told her the next session that it had not worked out well for me. Now, we have a system, where if one of us is headed there, we check with the other. I usually wait until she’s out because she pretty much sees clients back to back.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Andi says:

      OMG NO! I would have totally lost it if this happened to me. I CANNOT pee if someone I know is in the bathroom with me. Sometimes my professors at school use the ladies’ room during our breaks and I can never actually go then. It sucks! Glad you two have a better arrangement now!

      Liked by 1 person

      • pattyspathtohealing says:

        It was really bad. I actually sent her an email about it as soon as I got home, but she hadn’t read it when o saw her again two days later. I insisted she open her email and read it. I could not say the words out loud. I was so embarrassed. She was very nonplussed about it while I was nearly crawling under the couch.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Andi says:

        Honestly? I would have done the same. This would be an absolutely awful situation for me. I’m glad you made her read the email right then and there!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. ambivalencegirl says:

    OMG, I laughed all through this and although my T doesn’t have a key for the shared bathroom you can’t use it when you get there. It’s behind the locked door. Like what waiting room doesn’t have a bathroom. But this one doesn’t. And I have to stop at Starbucks or a gas station and go before I get there. It’s part of my stinking routine because I can’t use the bathroom without asking and having my T wait while I go. Too funny. At least you weren’t blamed for “stealing” the key. And really it probably gets left in the bathroom or in a chair or someone’s office. Just keep the flipping doors unlocked. Oh yeah, we have issues. Thanks for making me smile.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      Haha, glad you found this amusing. Seriously, though, why ISN’T there a bathroom in the waiting area?! Too weird. Seems like a lot of us make “pit stops” before or after therapy to avoid these awkward situations, lol.

      Like

      • ambivalencegirl says:

        Oh my gosh I know. My theory on no bathroom in the waiting room is that there is also an ED day tx program located in the building and they share the waiting room. The head of the program is this older woman I saw twice and I so can’t stand her. She would tell me to “make it a good day” and I would want to tell her to f*** off and I am so not normally like that. But I think I scared her and she wasn’t quite so tolerant of me or my behaviors and would focus on getting me to eat 600 cals per day and so missed what the bigger issues for me were. So thankfully I found my current T and she is not affiliated with the older lady and it’s all good I pretend I have no clue who she is. But I surely digressed. And I like my bathroom routine and have only used the one at therapy once.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Andi says:

        Ah, that actually makes a lot of sense. The bathrooms are always behind locked doors in the ED places I’ve been to. SO GLAD you have a new therapist and not that awful old lady. Ugh.

        Like

  10. Cat says:

    I’ve just been catching up on your last few posts and think you’re doing brilliantly in therapy. We are experiencing similar issues, although my T doesn’t seem to want to shut up lately. Anyway, they key scenario is a real piss take! Our issue is having no bathroom for clients unless the T walks us through the building and then waits while we have a pee. The alternative is a building opposite. On top of that, sometimes getting into the building is difficult due to a forever absent receptionist. These little things do impact on the overall experience and maybe it’s worth mentioning

    Liked by 1 person

  11. plf1990 says:

    This whole post and the comments have made me smile! Thanks for sharing, everyone! I never, ever go at my T because it’s in her house – but the other day I absolutely had to or I was going to pee myself, so I ended up going… it’s NOT normal being in her bathroom with her loo and bath and toothbrush!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • alicewithptsd says:

      Too funny…i was totally thinking that if it were me, when the key showed back up i would so steal it to make a copy!

      Andi, i am so jealous you have starbucks on every corner. I live in the middle of nowhere, and drive 30 minutes to therapy and there is a starbucks right by her office, which is just like the best after therapy treat ever. And, i hate using the bathroom at my therapist, but i am more freaked out by public restrooms, so i go there.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Andi says:

        Haha, I was thinking about it, too! Yes – Starbucks everywhere. It’s nice because if I get there a bit early, I can grab a drink and chill for a bit before session starts (without awkwardly waiting in the waiting room).

        Liked by 1 person

      • Spacey stscey says:

        You are all lucky to have formed these plans for handling bothroom issues. My stepfather who sexually abused me also would not let me use the bathroom. Forcing me to hold it as he enjoyed watching me struggle and became sexually excited when i inevitably lost control. I am so embarrassed to have anyone know that i need to go and avoid bathrooms at all costs and even now will hold it until it is too late and i am too panicked to form a plan. I did not use the bathroom at therapy office for first year and a half instead holding it until i had to leave early and then had accidents on towels when i reached my car. One session i had waited too long and therapist picked up on it and took me in my desperate state (embarrasingly like a child) to the bathroom but i didnt make it. I thought she would be angry with me but took me back to office to dry my pants by heater and debrief. She was so kind and worked really hard to help me not feel ashamed that i couldnt even be mad at myself. Now i can tell her i am “uncomfortable” and she walks me to the bathroom, unlocks the door and waits. But since bathrooms produce panic i am happy to have her nearby. I still put it off as much as possible. I could never ever possibly ask for a key from front desk. So lucky though to have a kind therapist and not be alone with this problem anymore. I REALLY WONDER, am i the only one who has such a childish problem. This is something nobody discusses!! I have these issues outside of therapy as well.

        Like

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