Not Cool

A few weeks ago we changed our Friday morning sessions to Thursday afternoons. This all had to do with school nonsense and Andi told the therapist we’d only need to change days for the month of May.

But then the schedule for finals changed and they added an extra open lab so we can’t do Friday morning session this week, either. Andi left a voicemail with the therapist to explain this and said, “So if Thursday afternoon still works, I’ll just see you then. If not, please call me back so we can figure something else out.”

She called back. I answered. She said Thursday afternoon was fine and that “…actually, Thursday afternoon is going to have to be fine for a little longer. But we can talk about that more in person.”

I just said, “Um okay… Bye.”

Wtf? Not cool.

I know I’m a fairly volatile person with a low threshold for almost any emotion whatsoever, so I’m sure this is not even something to be pissed about, but still. I’m pissed.

Andi specifically said to call only if Thursday did not work. So if it does work (which it clearly does), why did she even fucking call us? And then why call and essentially announce that she gave away our regular Friday morning session time and so now it’s not available?! Especially because there’s obviously nothing we can do about it and I don’t think Thursdays will work for us once the summer session starts on the 18th. Which means we’ll have to change shit around all over again. Ugh.

I just. I’m not feeling this fucking therapy shit. This lady is fine, whatever. But I don’t like all of the old shit being dragged up and messed with. It just upsets people. I thought (for a very brief period of time) that it might be a good idea to flow with the idea of actually embracing treatment (hence the reason I agreed to go to the trauma program) but that blew up in my fucking face like whoa.

So maybe I’m not pissed about this 14 second phone call. I think I just hate this whole thing altogether.

But, also, it does irritate me that she called and dropped this weird information on us and was basically like, “chew on that for two fucking days until I see you in person.” Like, why couldn’t she just wait until we were there in person and THEN tell us?!?! Honestly, though.

Stress levels are high. Too much to worry about and not enough time to give everyone their space. I really have been wanting to cut lately, but Andi has requested that I please not do so since she sometimes has to take her clothes off and expose her thighs during class (they do massage and other weird physical therapy shit on each other to practice. We actually had to take our pants off for the test she took on Monday and holy shit, that was so not cool).

I respect the request, though, so I will do as she asks. For now. I don’t want to embarrass her or cause more problems.

Plus I really shouldn’t be cutting anyway. I just want to.



33 thoughts on “Not Cool

  1. Rachel says:

    Julia, there is so much in this post that I want to respond to. I would flip my shit (i.e. wonder why my time was not available and if she even cares about me or the relationship) if my therapist dropped a bomb like that, so I don’t think you are unreasonable in the emotion of your response. I’m certain the therapist has no idea how her comment could have affected you, or else she wouldn’t have done it. Or she had a mindless moment, which, I mean, she is human after all, right?
    That is kind of you to respect Andi’s wishes. Having fresh cuts (and even scars) in a healthcare setting is hard, people judge and stare. It just happens. I can understand why you want to cut, but how about those gel pens? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      Yeah I got the gel pens. Ugh. But I don’t want to do the right thing. This sucks. She said she didn’t realize/remember that it was a short-term change and also that she can’t hold slots open for clients. Whatever. -J

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rachel says:

        I know, the right thing doesn’t always get rid of the pain as quickly. Supporting you either way J. Ah, I guess that makes sense on the therapist’s part. Kind of annoying though.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Anxious Mom says:

    I can see how that would be unsettling about the appointment slot. Definitely something she could have waited to discuss in person instead of leaving you hanging. Whatever is up with that, I hope the therapist gets things worked out to work with your summer classes.


  3. kat says:

    take one day at a time, and only worry about things you can actually do something about. let the rest go. sounds easy, but can be done, even if moment by moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Zoe says:

    I relate a lot to your volatile-ness. I felt the same things when I read what happened. Let’s assume she called because she wanted to be sure you all knew it was okay to come, but she should not have mentioned the rest. I know she probably didn’t think much about it, but when balance is important to the client I think therapists should be more careful with what they say. Human error, fine, nonetheless upsetting.

    Liked by 2 people

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