I have finally received all three grades from my midterm practicals: 95, 97, 98. Very exciting stuff. I think I might have actually done the best overall in my cohort, which is awesome. I feel both tremendous relief and increased stress. Why? Because although I now have more wiggle room to mess up and still pass the classes, I really want to maintain my 4.0. This obviously puts me closer to keeping it, but it feels almost more precarious to be hanging in a place so close to the edge, knowing I could fall off at any moment. I suppose it’s the idea of having further to fall? Something like that.

This past weekend was a blur. So much social interaction. I try not to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but let’s be serious – I am just not cut out for group events. I went to see the new Avengers movie and have dinner with friends on Saturday. It was fine, but I only remember about half of the entire afternoon/evening. I know at least five of us were switching in and out like a revolving door. There were just too many things creating stimulation and triggering parts (in both positive and negative ways). It was so exhausting. And embarrassing.

Then on Sunday, Wife and I went to a friend’s baby shower. It was very crowded and loud and there was so much food/beverage around. Also, just…babies. I love them, especially my nieces and nephew, but the entire culture around planning for/gestating/birthing/raising babies is so…. it’s just too much. Wife and I were asked so many times, “When are you two having a baby?!” (as if our legitimacy as both women and married people doesn’t arrive until we reproduce?) I just can’t.

We also spent some time at Wife’s parents’ house (they live down the street from where the shower was held). We actually haven’t seen them since January, so it was nice to catch up, but again – more social interaction. More trying to hold it together and hoping beyond hope that nothing will trigger a switch.

Speaking of babies…and speaking of my nephew – my sister texted yesterday as Wife and I were on the train home to tell me she was at the hospital with nephew. They were admitting him. At that point, she had no idea what was wrong, but he was lethargic, refusing to eat, and running a fever. They ran blood tests, urine tests, did a spinal tap, ultrasounds, the whole works. Eventually (24 hours later) the cultures came back positive for a virus that he is due to be vaccinated for in two weeks. Figures. Poor babe is on IV fluids + antibiotics (in case there’s a bacterial infection that hasn’t shown up in a culture yet). His veins kept blowing out, so he has the IV in his little baby head. So sad. My sister was absolutely losing her mind. But at least now we know what it is (and that it’s treatable). The docs are saying he’ll be there for observation for about three days. Hoping it’s a swift and uneventful recovery for the lil dude.

Now I need to go study for the quiz and two exams I have in the upcoming week.

12 thoughts on “Update

  1. Katy Messier says:

    Congratulations on the grades! Wow that’s a ton of stuff going on, I’d be overwhelmed too. Sounds like you got through it though. Will keep your nephew in my thoughts for a quick and easy recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anxious Mom says:

    Good for you on the grades! Ugh social stuff…just one of those things can be so draining, let alone three. I hope your nephew will be okay, poor little guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Zoe says:

    Grats on the grades! So proud and happy for you. ❤

    Sorry to hear about your nephew. Gosh that sounds so awful. Sending lots of positive and healing vibes his way. And strength for your sister.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. alicewithptsd says:

    I hope your nephew gets well quick! I’m sending lots of good thoughts his way.

    Social interaction is hard for me, too. I never realized how draining it really is until recently. I think its okay to be more introverted, its not a bad thing to need space from people.

    And, i wanted to say, i know how it can feel to always have people asking you about babies. Before i had my daughter, it was always when are you guys going to? And that was a really hard question for me because we were actually trying despertely to get pregsnant (we finally had to go the IVF route). But, it doesnt stop. Those same people who were asking when, are now asking and telling me every reason why we need a second baby. There wont be a second baby for us. The best i can say, is having no children, or only one, or having 5 kids, those things dont make a marriage legitimsate. Its the love you have for each other, standing by each other in tough times and good times, that is what makes a marriage real. And you have that with your wife.
    I hope that all made sense. My head is a bit muddled today. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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