Wow. I am beat. I think I am facing a bit of a “post midterms crash”. I got up early for therapy this morning. It was a good but exhausting and somewhat triggering session. Came home and took a nap. Then went to work until 5pm and went to an Ashtanga yoga class at 6pm. Felt pretty tired (in the best way) from that so Wife drew us a lovely bath and then gave a massage to help calm the nervous system.
Lots of internal activity right now. Thinking maybe resistance from non-traumatized/introject parts. There’s a sense of threatening and thoughts of self-injury. Maybe planted, maybe from threatened Parts.
Probably due to increased trust in the therapist. We talked a little more about abuse stuff today. Certain parts don’t like that. Say we don’t know better or how to protect ourselves. Reminders of Zooey. But she is not Zooey.
Either way, many are activated and I struggle to figure out why. Wife suggests asking inside, but that seems scary. Sometimes I just don’t want to know.
I will try to sleep now and work on this more tomorrow. Had a dream today about being sued by the parents for slander and libel. We are not liars! Inside parts sometimes say we are. Scare us with jail or prison or locked psych ward. Hoping for better dreams tonight. Or dreams to help better understand what is going on.
We must rest.