Wednesday

Today was sorta better. I didn’t go to my sister’s house until much later in the day. Her husband was off from work from his day job, so I thought I’d just let them spend some time together with the younger two kids. He works a lot, so they don’t get to see each other often and he rarely sees his children. Plus I have been feeling very saturated with social interaction, so I needed a morning to veg out in semi-silence.

I planned to do some studying for an exam I have on Monday, but I actually just played on my phone, watched Hulu on Mom’s iPad while doing the elliptical machine, and then proceeded to watch another episode on Hulu after I finished. So I didn’t even get dressed until closer to 2pm and I most certainly did not study (for yet another day…*sigh*). Then we headed out to pick up groceries and made it to my sister’s just in time to make dinner for everyone before my brother-in-law had to leave for his part-time evening job.

We watched TV and colored until the girls went to bed around 7:30. Then, for the first time, it was just my sister, my wife, and myself. We normally head back to Mom’s around this time because I don’t like to stay out too late and my sister is usually exhausted from being up with the baby all night. But I had a feeling my sister needed to talk, so I just stayed put and let the conversation unfold.

Turns out that on top of the regular drama related to financial struggles, her mother living with her and basically living OFF her and her husband, and the fact that the trauma of our past has come to smack her right in the face, she also recently discovered that her husband had “wandered” while she was in her second trimester.

Jesus help me, I wanted to kill him. I did not.

But….seriously?! What the fuck is wrong with people??? He had a beautiful wife who loves and cherishes him, two beautiful daughters, and a son on the way. WHO CHEATS ON THEIR PREGNANT WIFE?!?!

She wasn’t specific on what happened and it doesn’t sound like it was an affair, but it was enough for her to feel very hurt and angry and betrayed (which is more than enough). She said she pulled him aside when she figured it out and essentially told him that he better think long and hard about his actions because if she finds out he’s strayed again, she will take everything – including the children – and walk out on his ass. And she means it. Although I sincerely hope it never comes to that.

This is awful and I feel such sadness and anger on behalf of my sister. But I am so relieved that she shared this with me. We have not connected at ALL during this trip. We’ve just been two shells…two ghosts of people interacting in socially appropriate ways. It was killing me to feel such a disconnect and not understand it. I was mostly chalking it up to post-pregnancy exhaustion and all that comes with having a new baby. But now that she’s told me this, I can see that she is just smack dab in the middle of so much bullshit coming at her from just about every angle. And knowing what is really going on with her, regardless of how painful it is, allowed us to find a way to connect with each other again. Thankfully.

My heart breaks for her. She deserves so much better than this.

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11 thoughts on “Wednesday

  1. Anxious Mom says:

    Wow. Doing that to a pregnant woman? He’s lucky he walked out of that with all his parts intact.

    I shouldn’t assume, but I’d imagine that the MIL being there and possibly knowing about this hasn’t made things any easier, since the MILs I know have a tendency to think their sons are perfect and can do no wrong no matter what kind of shit they pull (my hubby’s bro…jeezus).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      I was just as surprised. My sister loves him, but she watched her Mother be pushed around by bullshit men and she will not go through the same thing. No, MILs do NOT help. At ALL.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mothererased says:

    First of all, it is so great that you have such a loving relationship w/ your nieces. And clearly, they sense how much they can trust you and how pure your love for them is. Kids pick up on tension between their parents and perhaps your visit came at a much needed time for them. It is a terrible thing your sister must be going through, WHILE bringing another child into the marriage. I cannot even fathom. I think we attract what we think we deserve, and if her husband is not respecting her and this marriage, I sincerely hope she finds a way to gain the sense of self worth that would not allow herself to accept that. (as difficult as it is w/ children in the mix, nothing is worth squashing the spirit for). And I gather that her mother neglected her parenting job and now expects (and receives) a great big handout from your sister? (another sign your sister needs a bigger sense of self-worth. This should not be okay). Well, that’s my two cents. Best wishes. It must be difficult to you to be in this position of knowing your sister’s pain, yet unable to make choices for her of course.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      I think you’re absolutely right. My nieces are going through a lot of change right now just with having a new brother enter the equation. With all of this nonsense on top of it, it’s no wonder they cling to my wife and I whenever we’re around. I think we really provide a respite and a sense of safety and comfort that they don’t always get at home.

      My sister knows that her self-esteem needs work. But there’s so much trauma and baggage there. I think she becomes overwhelmed when she even entertains the idea of doing the work to become stronger and more self-loving. But I will keep encouraging her and showering her with as much love and validation as I can. This should most definitely not be okay. But I recognize that she’s in between a rock and a hard place and there is no easy answer here.

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Boost Connection says:

    It is incredibly difficult to have these emotional bombs dropped on you when you have to keep interacting with the husband as if you don’t know. It also just makes all the dynamics you’ve been talking about that much more complicated. I am glad you were able to feel more connected with your sister, even though it can be painful for both of you. It says a lot about the strength of your relationship that she was finally able to open up about this.

    That story really does make one want to stab someone in the eye though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andi says:

      You and I both! Stab stab stab! LOL. But yes, it’s always hard when I am unexpectedly hit with some major information like this. It really hurts me and I can’t shake it off for a long time. However, I’m grateful that my sister felt comfortable enough to share this. That tells me she trusts me and knows I would be on her side. That’s a very big deal for people like us 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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