I Didn’t Mean To Do That

Yesterday’s session went by like a shot. I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to get through, but I spent the first 40 minutes discussing the Request for Professional Review. As soon as I mentioned that I’d sent out one for Zooey, the therapist said, “Wow! What prompted that?” which made me really paranoid.

However, I expected to have a strong reaction to her reaction, no matter what it was. So instead of letting that derail me for an entire session, I just asked her why she asked that specific question. She said, “It’s just that it hasn’t been brought up before, so I’m curious if something happened or what made you decide to do that.” Which made a lot of sense because she’s right, I hadn’t even mentioned the possibility of sending out an RPR. I hadn’t wanted to bring it up with her. I explained that I’d been considering filing some sort of complaint essentially since Zooey terminated, but I was so locked into preserving the relationship and feeling so guilty ashamed over being “too much” as a client that I couldn’t justify doing so. Between the whole voicemail fiasco and the wonderful conversation I had with my friend (the therapist), I finally had the objectivity I needed to move forward.

The therapist said I was definitely justified in my decision and that she thinks a mediation might be good for me as well as for Zooey. She thinks that perhaps having a conversation with an objective third-party in the room to keep Zooey on track and aware of her behavior might be just what both of us need. I shared my predication that Zooey will be pretty upset about this and likely double-down on her affirmation that she went “above and beyond” in her treatment with me (ugh). She might even lean into this idea that I’m the mental patient and thus lacking in objectivity and reality. Who knows. I’m prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best.

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