Light

1333740230It finally feels like the dark space that we’ve been existing in for the past several weeks is beginning to get some light. I’m not exactly sure why, but it’s likely a combination of things.

We’ve managed to get to the gym four days in a row, including Monday night yoga last night, which was very meditative. The endorphins are probably helping our mood to shift upwards. Plus it’s March! February was a little bitch. It always is, no matter what I do to try and make the month more manageable, it is always hell. I’m THRILLED that this upcoming Sunday is the “Spring Forward” part of Daylight Savings Time.

I NEED SUNLIGHT, PEOPLE!!!

Plus I think I’m finally feeling a critical amount of hopeful that things will get better for me, as far as treatment. The last session with this therapist was very productive and I left with a much stronger feeling of optimism. I’ve been thinking more about the frequency of sessions and I think I’m gonna hang out in the once a week zone, with the option of adding a session if we need one (like what happened last week). I would also use extra sessions during particular difficult weeks, traumaversaries, and to bookend times I know I tend to struggle (such as traveling to my hometown, which I’ll be doing next month).

I ran out of my anti-drepressant Sunday morning. I hope this therapist can help connect me with a new shrink soon-ish so I don’t go too long without one. I’m not sure I believe it really helps much, but it’s never a good idea to just stop taking any medication without at least being under the care of a doctor. I’m kinda pissed that Dr. Bird just never responded to me. What the heck is up with clinicians being so damn unprofessional?! Ugh.

Anyway. I start classes again tomorrow. I had a one week break between Fall and Spring semesters (yeah, my school is weird). And by “break”, I mean that I had to read 12 chapters and prepare for a quiz tomorrow morning. Eh, I don’t mind. Being in school seems to be the one thing that keeps our system in line. We totally lost it during our month off this Summer….but that’s a story for another day.

I’m nervous about this semester because the “tough classes” begin. I’ve already taken some intense classes, both when I got my bachelor’s and this time around, but now I’m in the throes of the clinical part of the program and the professors are pretty invested in scare tactics. I try not to buy into their fear-mongering, but it’s hard. I did well last semester, though, and maintained my 4.0!

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Really hoping I can keep that going this semester! Fingers crossed 🙂

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12 thoughts on “Light

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    You can do it! I’m so happy your new therapist seems to be a good fit so far. It can make all the difference. I struggle as well when I don’t have the purpose that school supplies.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. robertmgoldstein says:

    Welcome back to the light…if you’ve been taking this medication for a long time it might affect your mood to suddenly go off of them. Is there any way you can see someone
    who can just prescribe so that you’re not without?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Zoe says:

    This makes me so happy to read. Also. I need to take inspiration from you and start yoga — at least at home. I’m so lazy. Have to remember this body is my vessel. My “car” lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Cat says:

    It’s odd when the light suddenly start to penetrate the darkness and the endorphins definitely help, not to mention the structure of school. I can never get used to you guys saying, “school” In the UK, school is for children up to 17/18yrs old and then we have college or University. Anyway I digress… is it really changing clock time this weekend?

    It’s never a good idea to be without the AD’s, I hope the Therapist can help kick some butt. Sounds like some foundations are already happening, nice job! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andie says:

      Oh that’s funny! We say “school” for any institution where you take classes. We also say “college” for higher education and those schools are called either colleges or universities, but “school” is a sorta catchall word I suppose. Yes! We are changing clocks again. We really need to just stop doing this strange and outdated practice altogether, in my opinion. The Therapist just called and said she’s still working on the psychiatrist thing, but she should know more by my next appt. Thanks! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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