I had another therapy session today (our regularly scheduled Monday session). I was so damn nervous about it that I actually sat down and wrote this affirmation to myself in her waiting room before it started:
Focus on remaining calm. It will be okay. She’s on your side. You do not have to be perfect. Just be honest. Remember to breathe. This is your treatment, so you can talk about whatever you want. If she redirects you, it is probably to keep the therapeutic space safe and if that activates feelings of rejection or invalidation, you can simply tell her that. You are stronger than you ever fully give yourself credit for. Embrace the awkward!
I think the affirmation helped because it went very well. Probably the best session we’ve had so far, actually. She asked me if I remembered Friday’s session. I do, but in that weird underwater way that I remember things when someone else is fronting. We still talked about it, though. She brought up a lot of the same points that Julia articulated in her post reflecting on that session, which I thought was very fascinating. Then I mentioned that Julia wrote a post about it and she asked if she could hear it. So I read it to her and she said several interesting things in response: