Phone Check-in

After feeling like total shit all damn day, I finally decided to call the therapist I’ve been seeing and leave a voicemail. I half-coherently explained that today has been difficult and very painful and asked if I could see her for an office session tomorrow. She’d mentioned in our first session that she doesn’t generally talk to clients in between sessions, so out of respect I alluded to that during my message. I wanted her to know that I heard her and understood her boundaries. 

When she called back, however, the first thing she said was that it was absolutely okay for us to do a brief phone check-in if I was having a difficult time and then she offered to talk to me for a few minutes right then. I reminded her that that’s not what she said in session. She explained that for the sake of brevity, she didn’t go into the minutiae of between-session contact. She said that if it was confusing to me, we could wait and talk about that in person, which I felt was very respectful and professional. I felt clear enough on the matter though, so I attempted to explain what was going on. 

She helped me work through some of the thoughts and emotions that have made this day so challenging. We weren’t always on the same page, but she is great about being transparent with her thought process and ensuring she’s tracking with my process. After a point, she mentioned that she was essentially just problem-solving, which I seemed very defensive of. She’s right. I was defensive, since it seems like people get incredibly frustrated if I don’t immediately take their advice and say “oh wow! You just totally changed my life!”

Then she said, “Well, it seems like you don’t need that right now then. Maybe what you need is for someone to just see you where you’re at and acknowledge it.”

Yes!! That is actually EXACTLY what I needed! 

So then I started to feel a little better and calm down some. She offered me a session tomorrow morning and asked how I felt about that. I admitted that I felt afraid. She acknowledged that it would be scary since she’s essentially asking me to trust her and trust the space we’re creating in therapy.  But then she said that since trust is a lot of what we’re working on right now, maybe we should just go for it and schedule the session. 

I took a deep breath and said, “Yeah…I think I can do that.”

Feeling like we’re making some progress. 

Today

Yep. That essentially sums up today. I barely left my room. I did not change out of pajamas. I ate two meals. I don’t even think I brushed my teeth or put on deodorant. Right now, I totally hate my life. Every single day is so hard. And I’m tired of the effort it takes to do very basic things. This sucks.