So the session I had on Monday was okay. I was admittedly exhausted and kind of going in and out of dissociation, which made it very hard to stay with my thoughts. But I think some important stuff happened in that space anyway.
I started out by just sitting down. I said nothing. I don’t know why – I wasn’t trying to challenge her or be weird or deliberately difficult. I just literally could not think of a single thing to say. Anything that came to mind seemed dumb or trivial or just wrong. I knew from experience that this therapist is pretty darn comfortable just sitting in silence. After a while, I started to worry that she would let me go the entire session without speaking at all.
About five minutes into my silence, she very gently said, “I wonder if how you’re feeling right now has to do with how our last session ended“ (with me in tears because she merely suggested we increase session frequency to twice a week). I just said “Yeah. Probably.” So we talked about that. I think. It’s all very fuzzy in my brain. I know that we definitely spent the rest of session talking.