Confession

I have a confession to make. Well, it’s not really a confession. I shouldn’t phrase it that way. But I feel so much guilt about it, that I suppose it feels like a confession.

The truth is: I reached out to my brother last week when our family friend died.

Ugh. I hate even writing that. But…it’s true. He made this comment while conversing with my cousin via text message:

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“I know, I’m not mad at you, it’s just, I miss my sister and I need her right now, sorry for being edgy”

And just like that, he had me. I didn’t reach out immediately. I waited until I got home so I could talk it over with my wife and get her feedback. She said that if I really wanted to reach out, I should. But I should also do so without compromising my safety or privacy. I tried calling from an “unknown caller” (I just hit *67 before dialing his number), but he didn’t pick up. So Wife found an app that creates a “burner” number for you. The number can be used for calls or texts and then “burned” (i.e. removed from your phone/disconnected) if you need it gone. I felt this was probably the safest way to contact him.

So I sent a text message from this burner app. I told him it was me and that he could call if he wanted to talk. And also that I was very sorry to hear about the death of our friend. He replied, “Thanks for getting back to me. I’m sorry. I’ll call you back when I’m done with (friend’s daughter). I miss you terribly and I love you” I sent back “Okay. I love you too.”

That was it. Literally. He never did actually call me back. Or even text again. What a fucking idiot am I?

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