So Monday arrived. The actual FINAL session with Zooey. And I was as well-prepared as I think I possibly could have been. I kept repeating self-affirmations and positive mantras over and over in my head on the way to session. I went in there telling myself that I had control over how I felt about this goodbye. I wanted to walk out of there feeling as much peace and closure as possible under such shit circumstances.
When I first got there, I sat down and thanked her for agreeing to see me. She suggested we clarify the referral issue first before talking about other things, so we spent a few minutes discussing possible referrals. I mostly think this was just so she could feel better about completely abandoning me in the middle of intensive treatment, but whatever. I was willing to play along.
Then it was my turn. And I took the rest of those 45 minutes to get out as much of my thoughts and feelings as possible. Here is the (very long) letter I read to her: