As I mentioned in my last post, I sent Zooey an e-mail asking for a proper termination session:
I am so sorry that things didn’t work out for us, therapeutically. I am even more sorry about the insurance situation that you are in. [Wife] and I will do everything we can to keep fighting them. I feel so angry on your behalf, that you have to deal with this. And even more angry that I could have prevented this, had I known I still had [other] coverage.
I’ve been thinking for a while that perhaps we had gone as far as we could go together in therapy. I was still pondering that and discussing it with [Wife]. I wasn’t sure if I was just scared or bored or resistant or what. I apologize for the unkind things I said on Monday. I honestly don’t even know where that came from…I just felt so scared and angry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. And I certainly shouldn’t have threatened harm to you. I would never have hurt you, but I regret even joking about it.
I am writing to ask for a proper termination session. I will pay for it out of pocket, up front, your full fee. This might seem like a lot to ask, but I feel that I deserve it…That both of us deserve it. And also that it will be the best way to help me let go of our relationship. Ending so unexpectedly, amidst such intense emotion and confusion just feels so unfair to both of us.
I want the chance to reflect on the last 10 months we’ve spent together. I want to tell you how incredibly grateful I am for that time and for everything you have done for us. Julia and Anna have hand-made Christmas gifts for you. We all want the chance to say a (collective) proper farewell.
I know that the therapy is over. I can see more clearly now that we are no longer a good fit. I accept that. I just want the chance to end this on a better note and say a final goodbye.
I really hope you’re open to this. Please let me know either way.
She responded the next morning:
“Yes, I think a termination session is a good idea. How about 4 pm on Monday?”
And so I spent the entire weekend thinking about how to approach this final session and how I would handle it. I knew the most important goal was to find as much peace as possible with what was happening. In the next post, I’ll tell you how well I managed that…